By Doug Esse
The following meditation and exercise is my response to a spiritual seeker who admits they struggle with an “overly open heart,” and has lived from a bit of the ol’ martyr complex. Though I have never written out an exercise like the one below, I have verbally utilized similar kinds of meditations with my counseling clients who are open to such things. They find it quite efficacious. I invite you to read this meditation slowly and if you feel that it might help you, then take it deeper by bringing your full attention and presence to the practices when you safely can.
Please note that there is a part of the meditation where you will be talking to yourself. During my response to my seeker friend, I used their name and used their preferred pronouns. For the sake of making it easier to read, I’m going to use the name, “[Noel],” and use “[her]” and “[she].” The “[ ]” indicate where you will substitute your own name and preferred pronoun.
Secondly, I will use the imagery of the resurrected body of Jesus which is an icon of the wounded healer. Even if you are not Christian, you may find exploring this archetype meaningful. I just wanted give an heads up that I’ll invoke Christian imagery a couple of times.
The Law of One passage that provoked this seeker’s outreach to me was this from 12.31:
This instrument also experiences some distortion of the green-ray energy center which you may call the heart center. It is overly open due to an intensive desire-distortion on the part of this mind/body/spirit complex towards service to others, or as you may call it, universal love. This entity, therefore, spends itself without regard to its reserves of mind/body/spirit-complex distortion in regard to what you call strength or energy. This distortion is primarily due to the blockage of the indigo ray, as we have said before. The misapprehension-distortion of the instrument responsible for this blockage is the basic orientation towards a belief in unworthiness. The unworthiness-distortion blocks the free flow of intelligent energy.
Thanks for the trust, my friend! The main issue is not that you have too open of a heart but rather the heart’s openness is out of balance with the rest of the chakras, most especially the lower triad.
As Ra says in 17.2, “there are no shortcuts to enlightenment” … to which I would add, “and balancing.” In fact, it may not be even a good idea to find some esoteric thing to try to work on the indigo ray. Rather, what is needed for myself, my clients, and maybe you, is to bring the “lenses” of the green and blue ray to bear upon your struggle with the martyr complex. This can actually be accomplished fairly well by two very helpful conventional psychological techniques: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Self-Compassion skills. I invite you to search for them online and see if anything pops out to you. Below, I have included some videos that I like and often send to clients which help describe these wonderful techniques.
As far as doing a meditation, here it goes…
Recorded version, if you prefer:
Find a quiet place you can meditate for a few minutes. Either sit up straight with a supported back or lay down. Either way, just make sure that there is a straight alignment of your energy centers.
Start to focus on how it feels for you to be living out the martyr complex. Slowly and compassionately, ask yourself these three questions:
- How does it feel to not have time for yourself but to often be catering to other people’s needs?
- What feelings are arising?
- Can you get a sense of any constriction in your body where this feeling may dwell?
Usually it will be in the stomach or below the belly button.
In a relaxed state, you may not feel this bodily sensation (although some people can) but visualize yourself when you are moving and grooving and doing stuff for others with a kind of urgency to satisfy their needs… you’ll feel the constrictions then.
Become a witness to yourself and begin to visualize yourself. Wrap yourself around with emerald-green light and see yourself from the lens of loving kindness.
Tell yourself outloud (or write it, if you prefer) that you understand [Noel] and you really see [her]. Let [her] know the compassion you feel for [her] as she runs around doing things for everyone else. Tell [her] you accept [her] just as [she] is, just in this way. Tell [her] that you love [her]… you really love [her].
Tell [her] that [she] is a good person. Tell [her] that [she] is worthy, just as [she] is… even in this unbalanced state.
Let [her] know that it is okay to continue [her] life just as it is if [she] wants to. Also let [her] know that it is okay to change things, too, if [she] wants to. Let [her] know that [she] has more power than [she] ever thought.
Now, point to your 2nd chakra (three fingers below the navel) and there, create a volcano with lava beginning to boil and about to explode.
With the lava boiling, you will start to feel an empowerment…a sense of the kind of energy you feel when you become motivated to do something with gusto.
What do you want to do with this empowerment?
Bring the blue ray lens now to both the volcano and your plight as martyr. The blue ray is like your personal sage. Wise, honest, authentic, no bullshit, and is both loving AND wise.
Embody the blue-ray sage as if you were putting on an energetic mantle or cloak. And speak to yourself.
Ask yourself some open-ended questions.
- Why do you need to please so much?
- Why is it so hard for you to care for yourself?
- Where does this martyr complex come from?
- What are the earliest memories you have of doing this pattern?
- What has the price been for you to live out your life this way?
- In what ways do you need to forgive yourself for being out of balance?
- Who else do you need to forgive?
Start to see the lava in your 2nd chakra rise.
It courses upwards and empowers the yellow-ray chakra. With this energetic mixing of the volcano and your yellow-ray center, get a sense of yourself in context with your relationships, your communities, your country, your world.
See yourself as a unique member or cell of a larger Body. See all of the cells in the Body as being unique and precious–and see yourself as equal in dignity and worthiness as they are.
With this envisioning, you should start to feel an energy that is akin to, say, lifting your chin up with dignity and looking someone else right in the eyes. Your gaze is not aggressive towards them but certainly assertive and confident.
Now start to see the lava rise from your third chakra into your heart, the green-ray energy center.
You start to feel a more integrated wholeness. You see yourself with compassion and understanding.
You also know that you don’t have to live this way anymore because you are free not to. Ra says that one of the hallmarks of 3rd density is to experience whatever you want, and do whatever you want, and live however you want… until you don’t want to live those ways anymore because you awaken to the fact that certain ways of living and seeing ourselves and others are not needed anymore.
Here is the Ra quote. Feel it as you read it:
“The proper role of the entity is, in this density, to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away” (18.5).
Now… as the lava of your sense of self rises into the 5th chakra–the blue-ray energy center–being to feel an empowerment to live in a different way, if you choose.
Invoke your imagination (tapping into the indigo-ray energy center here) and visualize what a “different kind of life” might look like.
- Is there a “both/and” kind of thing you can adapt?
- Is there a “yes for this, but no for that” kind of thing?
- What would be the steps you need to take to set boundaries?
- What would self-care look like for you?
Now, watch the volcano rise into the indigo ray, between the eyes.
You’ll feel a pressure there and maybe even pleasure.
Start to see yourself more holistically, as both whole and broken at the same time. Say this outloud and really feel into these words: “It is okay to be whole and broken because that is what third density is all about!”
Bring to mind the image of the resurrected Christ… see Christ in the resurrected body which is whole but also notice the wounds on the hands, feet, and the side.
Christ is a visible icon of an invisible universal wholeness. Christ smiles at you as the nature of reality dawns on you deeply.
The very nature of manifested creation is to include the “denying force” [law of three], “valued by the losing” [Law of One 93.24], or Kali [Goddess of death]. It’s being “kicked out of the Garden of Eden,” or the “suffering of the Prodigal Son who is tired of living the addicted life and wants to return home.” These are all archetypes of how reality is. There is always an affirming force which sets us off on our adventures, then a denying force which makes us fall flat over and over again, then a reconciling force that is born in due time as the light of a new realization. The reconciling force leads to a new arising in us; a new transformation that opens up our path in a way that could not be manufactured by our willpower.
Through the image of the wounded and resurrected Christ, you see an icon of all reality. Yes…wholeness includes brokenness… that is what makes universal reality whole.
Yes… it dawns on you that deeply that the words, “wholeness,” and “holy,” have the same meaning. To be holy is to be whole, and to be whole is to be holy. Perfection is not the absence of imperfection but the incorporation of the imperfection.
If you need to forgive yourself and anyone else, this power comes from a balanced indigo (which includes a balanced chakra system below the indigo).
See yourself as a co-Creator. You have been the Creator this whole time learning how to be the Creator-as-human; learning how to be you… and through your experience of being human you have been giving the Creator [which also transcends you] and exquisite experience of Themselves precisely through your delights and sufferings.
And you, as co-Creator, can decide to allow the martyr tendencies to fall away if you feel you do not need them anymore.
Forgiving ourselves is to really see ourselves in the light of unity and wholeness and then to accept ourselves for being incarnated matter which has a built in “thorn in the side” (ref to Paul’s thorn in his side, 2Cor 12:6-7) because without the broken lines, or thorns, or struggles, of the many “denying forces,” in our lives, where would our desire to continue evolving come from?
Forgiving ourselves sets us free to be ourselves, just as we are NOW.
Yes, forgiveness is an experience of ourselves in the present moment, just as we are, but with a twist: It’s a “NOW linked to a hope and trust into the future of how we might wish to be” kind of thing.
Do you need to forgive others?
From the indigo-ray, you can see them in the same light as you see yourself: whole and broken, simultaneously.
Forgiving someone at this level affords them the dignity and majesty of being the Creator disguised as their life. Indeed, we “are made in the image and likeness of God” (Gen 1:26).
The “image” part is our absolute reality–> we are the Creator having an embodied experience.
But the “likeness” part is our relative reality whose nature is “distorted” [on purpose!] from the absolute reality. This is our dance that Ra speak about when they say:
You are not part of a material universe. You are part of a thought. You are dancing in a ballroom in which there is no material. You are dancing thoughts. You move your body, your mind, and your spirit in somewhat eccentric patterns, for you have not completely grasped the concept that you are part of the Original Thought.Law of One, 1.0
Yes, some distortions are not so life-giving and if you know someone in your life who is distorting their “likeness of God” to the point of being hurtful to you or others, then your indigo-ray lens sees this blindness in them…accepts them just as they are…AND can set boundaries towards their actions.
The balanced indigo-ray center knows how to hold the paradox of “I accept you AND I will not permit you to do this anymore.”
As you set boundaries with others, you are actually going to be embodying the “denying force” in their lives which may be exactly what they need for their evolution. They, then, get to decide how to deal with this new catalyst.
Slowly come back to your physical body and move your fingers and toes. Breathe three times deeply and feel your balanced and renewed sense of self within the context of family, community, country, and world. Get a sense of this balanced energy that is now embodied into your body.
Spend the rest of the day walking with dignity, which includes seeing yourself and others with universal love, acceptance, and compassion, WHILE setting boundaries which safeguard your physical, emotional, and spiritual safety and balance.
Ground this meditation with gratitude for being here, now, in this body, with this life situation, with these struggles, and with these gifts.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)